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You think I don’t want to choke people? You can’t...

“You think I don’t want to choke people? You can’t just choke all your problems. It takes hard work. If I had my way, I’d never work. I’d just stay home all day, watch Scarface fifty times, eat a turkey sandwich, and have sex all fucking day. Then I’d dress up like a clown, and surprise kids at schools. Then I’d take a dump in the back of a movie theater, and just wait until somebody sat in it. Hear it squish. That’s funny to me. Then I’d paint, and read, and play violin. I’d climb the mountains, and sing the songs that I like to sing. But I don’t got that kinda time.

— Dave Chappelle as P. Diddy (one of my favorite monologues)

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• dave chappelle
• puff daddy
• work

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   I haven’t seen anything Dave Chappell related in a long time and this is so funny to me. The part about shitting in the...

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